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Driving a car is a way of life, a privilege, a ticket to freedom and independence. Windows down and the radio up, we have the ability to pick up and go whenever and wherever we want. So imagine if tomorrow I told you had to stop! It would be devastating and may cause you to feel angry, frustrated, and defeated.
This loss of independence and one’s “mobile spirit” is a harsh reality for many seniors who simply can no longer safely or comfortably operate their vehicles. Inevitably, as we age and at varying paces, we begin to experience natural deterioration of senses, most vital of which is sight. According to AAA, we receive 85% of the information necessary to drive from our vision. Seeing at a distance, at night, or in bad weather is a real challenge as we lose our farsightedness, depth perception and peripheral vision. Hearing loss, diminishing reaction time, and memory and cognition loss are also big contributors to the problem.
Warning Signs
Whatever the reason a loved one should stop driving, it is a very difficult conversation to have. First things first – how do you know if you need to have this conversation with an aging parent or spouse? There are signs to look for to help determine whether they should limit or stop driving altogether, such as:
- finding dents and scrapes on their vehicle and/or on garage stalls
- an increase in close calls and fender benders
- if they are easily distracted, have difficulty concentrating and/or exhibit slow reaction times
- if you notice they are having difficulty turning their head to look for oncoming traffic
- if you notice they are having trouble seeing or following traffic signals, signs and other markers
- getting lost or showing uncertainty while driving on routine routes
- an increase in tickets and/or warnings from police
Be sure though as you are evaluating your loved one’s driving that you differentiate between normal mistakes that all of us make from time to time versus serious safety concerns. If you notice more than one or more of these problems on a regular basis, that should serve as a trigger to have a talk. It may be enough to get them to take driver safety course like AARP’s Smart Driver Course to help improve or gauge their driving ability. You should also check out AARP.com, which offers a number of online articles and a webinar series to aid in these situations. Some aging loved ones may recognize “it’s time” on their own or will comply without little argument. But for the rest of you, please read on.
Handling Resistance
A Florida State University study of older drivers stated that 13% of the respondents indicated they would not stop driving no matter what, and 3% said they “would die before they would stop driving.” This underscores the tension and resistance one may face as they confront a parent about their driving.
So what can you do to convince your loved one to hang up the keys? First, start with open, honest and precise conversation. Discuss the consequences such as tickets, property damage and, worst of all, injury and death towards themselves or others. Be persistent in the message and clear with your expectations such as having them schedule a driving test, visiting their doctor for an eye exam or cognition test, or handing over the keys for good. They may argue the point, but if you can provide specific instances from the warning signs listed above, it supplies detailed proof rather than “just your opinion.”
Secondly, get some back up. Often a difficult message like this comes easier from others like their doctor, friends/peers, or, in some cases, a police officer. Furthermore in many states, including Pennsylvania, physicians and other healthcare providers must report patients to PennDOT who have a diagnosis or condition that could impair their ability or judgment to safely operate a motor vehicle. This can be an effective way to force someone to quit driving, but some doctors feel uncomfortable in this role. However, you can also anonymously report someone to PennDOT provided you can give specific details about the driver.
Offer Alternatives
Whether your impaired family member voluntarily gives up driving or still needs convincing, offering alternative means of transportation is a must. If they live close by, be sure to offer yourself or other family members as their “chauffeur.” Recruit other family, friends and neighbors to help out. Low cost alternatives like county transportation and share-a-ride programs are available. Some churches and civic groups also offer free ride programs too. In larger metropolitan areas, services like Uber and Lyft are becoming more popular for older adults who no longer drive.
This is not an easy discussion to have with someone you love, but again consider the consequences, open the lines of communication, get help and do the responsible thing.
For more advice or information, please contact Messiah Lifeways Coaching at 717.591.7225 or coach@messiahlifeways.org.
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